Charlie Burrows

Published on Kindle and Amazon      

https://www.amazon.co.uk/PLATONIC-AMOROSO-Charlie-Burrows/dp/1520606397/ref=sr_1_cc_8?s=aps&ie=UTF8&qid=1517877089&sr=1-8-catcorr&keywords=Charlie+Burrows

 

Supplied additional material to radio comedies Wrote for Hospital Radio Nine  (London SW12)

My Blogspot is called "The Charlie Take."  ( cburrows288.blogspot.co.uk/ )

Wrote and recorded the song "Now The Fuss Is Over."  on youtube as NTFIO

Member of The British Music Hall Society...


London (Greater London)



Huddlines

Bearded Ladies

Hospital Radio Nine  (London SW12)

Books, Comedy, Poetry

5


  1. F/X. COURTROOM NOISE  (UNDER)

  2. solicitor: Mr. Barnaby, what was the purpose of your association with the defendant on the night in question?

  3. BARNABY: Well that defendant bloke of yours Guv, he comes over to me in the pub right, and he goes, how’d yer like to make yerself a little earner?


4  Judge:                             Ahem.  A little earner?  Perhaps Mr. Barnaby,  it would help this court if you would be good enough to explain to us, just what is meant by your unusual term of, a little earner?

  1. BARNABY:                     Oh, about twenty five quid yer Honour.

  2. Judge: A monetary offer of approximately twenty five pounds?  I see.  Please continue.

  3. BARNABY: Uh?

  4. solicitor: Please elaborate further Mr. Barnaby?

  5. Barnaby: Oh right, okay then Guv...  Well then he goes, I’ve come hold of some good gear like, no questions asked of course, and if you want to be in on it and help me to move it like, you’d be on a nice little earner.  Right?

  6. judge: Ahem…  A nice, little earner you say now?

  7. Barnaby: Yes yer Honour.  He went, I’d be on a nice little earner.

  8. judge: Now let me be sure I understand you correctly then Mr. Barnaby. You have told this court that a little earner is a term you use for a payment of approximately twenty five pounds, so perhaps now you would also be good enough to enlighten us as to the meaning of the term, a nice little earner?

  9. Barnaby: About fifty quid yer Honour.

  10. Judge: Right.  Now we’re getting somewhere.  So now, if my understanding here is correct, you are telling this court that the defendant had offered you an incentive of around seventy five pounds in total?  Would this be correct Mr. Barnaby?

  11. Barnaby: Erm,…  Am I?   No…  I never mentioned a, very nice little earner, at all yer Honour.

  12. judge: But did you not just tell this court that you were firstly offered a sum in the region of twenty five pounds, and then you were also offered a further incentive sum of around fifty pounds?

  13. BARNABY: Erm?

  14. judge: Oh come now Mr. Barnaby, please.  Even in your own peculiar terminology, It would hardly be rocket science to add a little earner to a nice little earner, in order to arrive at a total of approximately seventy five pounds…  Would you not agree?

  15. Barnaby: Oh right yeh.  I can see where you’re coming from now yer Honour, yeh.

  16. solicitor: Good.  So you are now telling this court that my client attempted to offer you approximately seventy five pounds?

  17. BARNABY: No Guv,  he never mentioned anything like, a very nice little earner, at all.  You’re just trying to twist my words here innit?

  18. JUDGE: Mr Barnaby, my court is not in the business of attempting to falsify any evidence whatsoever.  We are merely trying to ascertain the correct sum that you are alleging the defendant had offered to you on the night in question, and nothing more.

  19. Barnaby: Okay I take your point yer Honour.

  20. solicitor: Good, good. So now Mr. Barnaby, remembering of course that you are still under oath, would you please repeat, in the interest of clarity, the exact sum of money you are alleging that my client  offered to you on the night in question?

  21. Barnaby: Like I said Guv, he offered me, a nice, little, earner.

  22. SOLICITOR: A nice, little, earner.  Thank you Mr. Barnaby.  And that would represent a cash incentive of?

  23. BARNABY: Uh?

  24. Solicitor: What value would you place on the term, a nice, little, earner?

  25. Judge: Oh come now council please.  The prosecution witness has already stated that a nice little earner would be in the region of fifty pounds.

  26. solicitor: I am obliged My Lord.  I have no further questions for this witness.

  27. JUDGE: Thank you Mr. Barnaby.  You may stand down now please.

  28. Barnaby: Cheers yer Honour.

  29. F/X. footsteps

  30. judge: Ahem.  In this case, I see no reason to adjourn for deliberations because quite clearly a sum of money was offered to Mr. Barnaby by the defendant to which he has not attempted to deny. (BEAT)  However, in his evidence and in his own peculiar terminology, the prosecution witness claims that the sums in question were, a little earner, and also, a nice little earner, which  in spite of his poor mathematical ability, do indeed arrive at an approximated total of seventy five pounds.  I have decided therefor, to impose a fine of a pony, with added  costs of a Monkey.  Case dismissed.

  31. F/X. Gavel

  32. SOLICITOR: Thank you yer Honour.


END




Cat Rescues Fireman from upa tree...


Today, Tiddles, a ginger tom cat, was spotted by Ms. Minerva Bancroft, an interfering dear old lady from Croydon, as he was sitting up a tree in her neighbours front garden while stalking a small pigeon. Mistakenly thinking that Tiddles was stuck up the tree Minerva tried to entice the cat down with a saucer of milk but to no avail. Tiddles just wasn't thirsty and preferred to be left alone and incognito to his unsuspecting prey. Minerva however was not prepared to leave the matter there and so promptly alerted an off duty fireman with her mobile phone.




When James Miller, a Fire Officer and father of two arrived, Minerva assured him that he had no reason for concern because she had used some of her free allocated mobile phone minutes and did not need reimbursing for the call anyway.






Unfortunately James's troubles did not end there. Within minutes of explaining that the RSPCA would be the agency that deals in such matters , the pigeon that Tiddles fancied for dinner suddenly flew up to settle on a higher branch leaving the cat with no option but to clamber higher up the tree to adopt a new stakeout position.

Deciding at that point to give Minerva the benefit of doubt, James borrowed a ladder from a nearby window cleaner and placed it against the tree in an attempt to climb up and rescue the cat. James then found to his dismay that by climbing the ladder, both bird and cat, in that order, had decided to move up to the very top of the tree for privacy, leaving James to climb onto a nearby branch to study the situation.

"Climb further up the branches, "Minerva shouted to the fireman, "Climb further up the branches."

"Do you know any more f**k*ng jokes?" James called back down.

"Well, I've never heard such foul language in all my life," explained the dear old interfering lady from Croydon rather harshly. "I'm taking your ladder away for that and I won't be putting it back until you've rescued that poor animal."

At this point, because of the noise made by Minerva removing the ladder, the pigeon flew away and Tiddles decided that a saucer of milk would be better than a bird in the bush after all and slowly climbed down past unlucky James. James noticed how the cat was selecting his pathway through the tree back down to the ground by hoping from branch to branch and by following Tiddles, Fireman James was then able to clamber back to safety himself.

Minerva however, was still very cross with the fireman and informed him that she would not now be writing to the Queen for a bravery award on his behalf after all.